Unable to focus with my mind all cluttered
A vast distance has now spread between me and Thee
How could have I then forgotten to remember
The affectionate love that Thou hast shown to me?
I look at others sharing great gifts and talents
And in my envy wish to have the same as they
Ignoring what I learned in steps throughout the years
Thou hast love for me in thine own special way
How could I forget that true happiness and joy,
Burning in my poor heart when I knew Thou art near
The uplifting sensation, the power that grew
The overwhelming feeling that cast out my fear
I know Thou art waiting, come near again, I pray
Come to me, grant me Thy strength and power again
That my mind may open to recall who I am
That I may love, not envy, my dear fellowmen
Commentary:
Reading this makes me wonder if this was the first symptoms of my stress and overburn that eventually led me to problems later on, but to be honest when I'm in the middle of the experience I don't always realize that's what's causing my problems. My thinking and focus becomes limited and I get a sort of tunnel vision, when I am not able to move my focus on to anything else besides what it is that is gnawing at me. Whether or not this was the actual issue during this time, it is quite clear from the message of the poem that I was having a difficult time finding a connection that I had experienced in the past, and I was wishing to have that connection again.
Another detail I mention in the poem is the confession for feeling some envy for others I have observed throughout my life who appear to have it easy with finding success in their lives. I am one of the ones who has always had to work hard, even had to face a lot of heartache along the way, and it sometimes gets absolutely frustrating to see how easily some people can rise, knowing it took my all just to get a few people to notice. In general, I'm terrible with getting attention, even when I try for it, but that doesn't give me any advantages to snub those who are successful. As a result, I find myself pleading in this poem to learn how to be happy and supportive for these people instead of being basically a total jerk about it, and at the same time to be happy with myself and who I am, despite the fact that no one will ever know me. That much attention is highly overrated anyway.
