It Will Come

 I no longer count my tears.

Their good friends are pain and anger.

I feel keenly their heavy burden.

I'm overcome,

Yet at the same time:

A peace;

A knowing.

The end will come.

What wonders will then upon me bestow?

In one fleeting moment, a vision:

Happiness;

Joy;

Light.

It all awaits in due time,

Beautiful moments:

Friendships;

Love.

It will come.

It always does

For those who endure well.

Comments:

I don't know how long ago I wrote this. It could have been in the middle of 2020, but it could also be in pre-pandemic times seeing as my emotional 2020 started long before that. There were some difficult things I faced in 2019, both external and internal issues. Poetry has always been my form of therapy when I go through these dark periods. They help me be able to express not only the way I'm feeling at the time, but also provide me a way to help me change my train of thought, which can get quite dark if I don't catch it in time. I've never been suicidal, but I can get extremely self-critical, so I try not to go along that path if I can help it. Poems like these help me turn my darkness around, and have actually helped relieve some of the stress and anxiety I often develop and make them a little more controllable.

If there's one thing I've learned with all of those struggles, this one is the most important: There is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is and end to the darkness. It feels like it will never go away when you're in the middle of it, but in time it will. You just need to keep going the best way you can through the mud, even if it's slow. Sometimes the moments signal a need for a change, and in that change will come the light. If that's the case, face your fears or insecurities and make the change. 

Provo River, Provo, Utah