It is Not So

In the stillness and silence of the night,

My sleep is disturbed, I'm awakened.

Thoughts begin to stir within my mind,

And my heart, it speaks.

It's heavy, burdened with grief.

So many changes in such a short time,

Loss still makes life too surreal.

I feel so lost without you.

Who am I? What good am I anymore?

How do I move on, without you nearby?

Alone: I feel so alone.

No more comfort hugs for you and me.

No one to talk to when I need advice,

Or to just have someone's presence near my side.

Directionless. Stuck. Lost.

The groan from within, a mourner's call,

It takes over, and fountains fall.

Let out shameless at full power.

Am I forgotten? I cry out.

From all this pain, it certainly feels so,

But when after the emotions have all worked out,

And the quiet has again returned to my heart,

I am reminded.

As alone as it feels, it is not so.

For even though your presence is gone,

And it's not always easy to feel,

You are still here with me.

As the environment stillness grows,

It lightens the heaviness of my load,

Calming my soul as I listen.

The quiet, it speaks in a comforting tone

In its powerful stillness, I know,

As alone as it might seem, it is not so,

And for whatever confusion I may face,

I must remember not to diminish the reality

That worthless was never the value of my soul.

Comment:

This was written in the middle of the night, one of those moments most, if not all, people have at some point, when the heart felt heavy. I'm not even sure it was for one specific reason, but it was triggered by something from the previous day. It was one of those nights when a cry was necessary to unload the burden, and the need for expression came out in this manner. 

I don't think all of the struggles I expressed here were ones I was dealing with in the moment, but it was a prime example of what went through my mind in the following months after the passing of my disabled brother. It was only 1 1/2 years since the death of my mom when he passed, so it came as an extra whammy in the adjustment compartment, and we were really close; It felt that way anyway. It's almost five months, so things are still a little tender.

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